Say Goodbye-bye

Goodbyes always feel so inadequate. I always feel like something profound and life changing needs to be uttered, eyes need to meet and floods of emotion need flow back and forth between parting individuals. It’s just never enough. I can never make myself believe that I will actually not see this person for year, 10 months, 6 months. But I want to try and make it seem as though I do.
I had to say good-bye to a lot in the past three months: first when I left for Korea and then when my family visited me and left again. I feel like I didn’t make it meaningful enough, like I’m a sullen little brat and then at the last moment, when it finally counts, I realize that it has counted all along and I should have been less of sullen brat stress case and more relaxed and grateful. But now they are gone and I love them and still cried a little after they left. Last time I said good-bye to my family, it was only for a couple months. I knew that I would be seeing them again soon. What was hard at the airport was the fear of the unknown. I had no idea what to expect when I arrived in Korea; I didn’t what the job would be like, I didn’t know what kind of school I would get, what the director would be like, what the other teacher would be like. I was flying into the unknown. I was afriad to leave and afraid to arrive. I wept.
This time saying goodbye, I have only them to miss. Ten months before I see my family again. I barely had time to miss them after two.
This time saying good-bye was much different. Standing in my apartment, they gave me hugs and still have to walk to the subway station (I hope they don’t get lost again). They don’t actually leave until tomorrow morning, but their trip is basically over. They will go back to the hotel and then they will finish packing and go to bed. Tomorrow they wake up early and be on the way to the airport by 7:00 AM. I will wake up at 7:30 because I have to be at school shortly after 8:00 tomorrow (yes it is Saturday, but the kids on their winter break from school so for all of January, I teach 9-5 Monday through Saturday (Saturdays are only in the morning), because they come to hagwon more if they are not in regular school.) My life goes on as normal, well, as normal as it gets here. This time they are the ones on the long flight.
Well family, I will miss you. I love that you came to visit me. I love that you could see my home, my school, my life. I am sorry that I couldn’t spend more time with you, my parents. Thank you for all the food and coffee.